Monday, September 28, 2009

Falling Apart.

I don't know if it's because I'm older but I seem to know more than ever, families that are falling apart around me. Good people, great people who seem to fall into the pit of despair and don't know how to get out. Finally they get a glimpse of strength and they use it to up and leave!
Then it seems like the very worst things that have been bottled up inside them come bursting out. They party hard and accuse and pass blame and turn there backs on there friends and claim them to be "judgmental"or "self righteous" because they don't wish to partake in the festivities. They leave the woman they once d loved and adored and bore children with in the middle of nowhere to fend for themselves. They take off and hide money and leave Mom's penniless with hungry kids. They hook up with any old bit of skirt or dead beat to somehow soothe there pain. They drag there eternal companions through the courts digging up all the dirt they can to make it clear none of it was there fault.
It's the worst kid of virus and it seems to be spreading fast.
My kids talk of visiting other Dad's and question why and if our family will have another Dad or Mom.
I almost forget that 16 years ago I went through this very thing and have empathy for so many, hurt by divorce.
My boys were only 2 & 3 years old when there Dad left but despite having 13 years with an awesome father in the home, they still deal with the pain, rejections, challenges and emotion of a divorce they had nothing to do with.
I am grateful now to be married to an amazing man who understands his role as my ETERNAL companion. He treats me like the queen I will become and will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING it takes to make our marriage and family a forever one. I feel the same way about him.
I pray everyday for my sweet neighbors and friends who's lives are being torn apart by Satan's power.

I KNOW the grass is not greener elsewhere. We need to weed, tend, fertilize and mow our own grass and if it still looks ugly, XERISCAPE.

Someone else's yard is not an option.

Friday, September 18, 2009

dementor's kiss

okay, marianne. what did i tell you? here i am feeling like the worst wife on the planet, the worst mom, the worst housekeeper, daughter, friend, cook,,yada, yada, yada. i know i should read my scriptures but i can't summon up enough wherewithal to open them. plus, i know if i read anything, i will immediately feel guilty about everything. sometimes, life just sucks and you just have to get through it. i have a sign on my kitchen counter that says, "hang in there! you're a trooper!" i am so sick of being a frickin' trooper! i am sick of hanging in there. of course, i can't actually say any of this to anyone--because i am a trooper! maybe if i just go eat some chocolate...