Let's Go, Girls!!

I'm really sad that this blog has been neglected for SO LONG.  On the other hand, I happen to know that the three main contributors to the blog have had a VERY busy last couple of years!  Between us, just counting our own children, I think we've had three or four High School graduations, three missionaries, two weddings, countless birthday parties, and that's only listing the happy things!  Speaking for myself, some of the things we've dealt with in the past few years have been far too painful to put on a blog.  Maybe that's why the long silence...we've just had too much, too many, and too hard.

But I'd love to get our Middle Aged Mommy Blog back up and running.  I know Natalie has had a pretty rough time with her car lately (and I'm so, so grateful she's OK).  I know Tami just sent her sweet boy off to Argentina/Uruguay for two years, and I'm sad I wasn't there for his farewell.  I know my sweet baby girl just moved out of the house she has lived in since she was five years old to head off into the wide, wide world, and I still can't talk about it without crying.  Surely we have some things to post about!!

I read back over our blog posts of yore, and I was reminded of how HARD some of those times were, but I also read the sweet and supportive comments, and felt incredibly loved and cared for.  Tell you what, ladies, I could use some of that love right about now!

So what do you say?  Can we do it?  I think we should try!!

Three Cheers for the Middle Aged Mothers of the world!!!

Confessions of a Horrible Mother

It started at 3:02 pm. I picked up the boys from school, which I do NOT usually do. I was late coming home from work, and so as a kindness, a favor, something I thought they might like, I swung by the school and waited for them, so they wouldn't have to walk home in the cold. They stood outside the car for a full thirty seconds, looking at me like I was some kind of alien abductor. I smiled. I waved. I beckoned. They looked at each other and shrugged ("I don't know what she's doing here!") and climbed in to the car.

"Why are you here, Mom?"

"I thought we were going to go home with Tyler today!"

A mother's sigh. "No, sweetie. That's Wednesday. I told you this morning that it WASN'T today, and it WASN'T tomorrow, it was WEDNESDAY. I thought you might like a ride home from school."

Fuss. Fuss. Fuss. "That's not what you said! You said it was TODAY!"

I don't know why I even get into it with them. But I did. "No. I did not say it was today because it ISN'T today. I very clearly told you that it WASN'T TODAY."

This continued for the rest of the way home, when I said, "It doesn't matter. It isn't today. You can go home with Tyler on Wednesday. Not today. The end."

Fuss. Fuss. Fuss.

Ok, now the best time of the day. (ha.) Homework.

Fuss. Fuss. Fuss.

Put away your lunchbox.

Pick up your coat, please.

Don't spill your healthy after school snack of soda pop and cookies.

No, you can't play the computer. First do your homework.

Fuss. Fuss. Fuss.

Whine. Whine. Whine.

You need to read for twenty minutes before you can play.

Stomp. Slam. Distant muttering that I'm not supposed to understand, but am very clearly supposed to hear and recognize as extreme discontent.

Here I do the mature thing of slamming a door at my end of the house. That'll learn 'em.

OK, you get the picture. This pattern continues through rest of the afternoon, eating in the basement, making birthday invitations, delivering the invitations, sending their friends home at the ridiculously early hour of 6:00, having to drive to pick up Daddy from work, eating the disgusting dinner we as horrible parents dared to force them to eat, taking showers, cleaning rooms, and finally, oh blessed day, bedtime.

Whine. Whine. Whine. "My scriptures won't stay open!!"

"Sweetheart, just hold them in your hands, like this. See, you can hold the page open really easy."

Fuss. Fuss. Fuss. Smack book multiple times to show Mom that there's just no way it's going to stay open.

"Honey, just hold the book."

Fuss. Whine. Smack.

Here is where I didn't offer to hold him on my lap and he could read out of my book.

Here is where I didn't just ignore the behavior of an obviously cranky little boy.

Here is where I snapped. I grabbed his scriptures, slammed them shut, threw them out the door, and yelled, "There! Now you don't have to worry about it any more!"

The rest of the family sat for a moment in stunned silence. One scuttled out the door to retrieve his abused book while my husband muttered, "That really doesn't help." Oh, I know. I know!

We finished our reading in an absolutely spirit-less atmosphere. We said prayers and I didn't even say Amen, because I knew if I attmepted to speak, the floodgates would open and I knew there would be no closing them.

I hurried to take out my contacts and hide in my bed. I did not see or speak to anyone else for the rest of the evening. I did not give kisses or heat rice pillows or fill night cups. I did not tuck anyone in or wave goodnight. I did not do the dishes. I did not practice. I did not sign homework folders. I did not let in the dog or turn off the lights.

I think we call it QUITTING.

And all I could do this morning was pull him into my lap and kiss his head while I cried and begged his forgiveness.

You still there?

I bet you are but just too busy feeling guilty about something you didn't do or missing someone special or eating chocolate just because you want to.

So I bring happy sunshine to you my middle age mommy friends and say, Isn't it fabulous to have good enough eyesight to see the hair sticking out of your chin and aren't you glad your clothes are tight enough to remind you what a hug from an excited 4 year old feels like :)CHOKING ME!
Aren't you glad you've had a 4 year old and can smile knowingly when some new mother of a 3 year old has a finger to point blame and shame on the mother of a 4 year old who say, wears his bat cape and swim suit to the store in February.
Aren't you glad that your kids, less than architecturally structured, Valentine candy box was his pride and joy and he was just thrilled that his buddies love him enough to stuff it with candy.
Aren't you glad that you've learned how to sit with a kid right up under your armpit as you read them horrendous literature, like captain underpants and they laugh hysterically as you try to burp in appropriate places. Did I mention the house is thrashed and your sooo over it.
Aren't you glad you can be yourself around your true friends and say what you think and look like you need to be on "what not to wear" and yet wear it anyway ( I love my uggs and sweatshirts, so toasty)

Anyway just wanted to give you a HOLLA!! snap snap sistas.
What are you glad for today?

I was TOO young...

It's not uncommon in the LDS culture to start marriage and family life at 19. It's almost frowned upon to still be single at 25 and if you reach 30 and havn't yet found your eternal companion then, my goodness, there must be something wrong with you! The trouble with this mentality is, it pushes many of us to jump into "grown up" life more quickly than, maybe, we are ready for. I'm not suggesting we lay around acting like a lazy teenager but as we move through our journey on earth, we shouldn't be in such a hurry to get to the next step.
I found myself, at 19, with my first baby, encouraging him to sit and then he walked at 10 months old. Just yesterday I heard on the radio a commercial for "hooked on phonics" by a lady with a 2 year old. Is she expecting him to read the instructions to putting on his diaper?
I digress, I have a point and pictures:)
As I've watched each of my babies grow up, some to full size and ability, I realized I have celebrated each mile stone and happily moved on, knowing that each life goal is accomplished. Now that I am old ( another LDS cultural myth, is that 38 is flippin' old) I cherish every step my kids take in there mortal journey and I wish I had put more value on them 10 years ago.
The first day of school was a huge woohoo, mum gets some ME time!
The first award was a pat on the back for me and bragging rights.
Good grades were just expected.
Playing an instrument was the norm and a sick kid messed with my plans for the day.
Now as I watch my last baby move through her milestones, I have this wrench in my heart. My kids don't need me as much.
It started out joyful,
No more night feeds, No more diapers, no more preschool.
Going to school meant being alone all day.
but now it has hit me :(
Almost too big to sit on your lap.
Too heavy to carry.

Accountable.
Our baby turned 8 and was baptized. My last one.
So I'm sad as a Mum, but happy as a mum.
I think I was too young when I started my family. I have matured into my role as a Mum and my Heavenly Father's plan for me. Now I get it and think I might've missed out on some special moments as I checked each milestone off my list of expectations.
.

Note to self, busy Mum/scrapbooker, needs to assign someone to take pictures of special occasions!

GOOD GRIEF.

Two teenagers. A boy and a girl. They're good friends. They love each other. I think. Today I found this add on ksl.com. Posted by my son.

FREE
SISTER - FREE TO A GOOD HOME
provo, UT 84606 - Oct 25, 2009
this sister has been with us for about 15 years, she is fun to have around but we just don't have the room any more, if you come pick her up you can have her. She's pretty good at cleaning stuff and sometimes brings hot friends home with her

(It's been up for two hours and has had 1200 hits)

SIGH.

Falling Apart.

I don't know if it's because I'm older but I seem to know more than ever, families that are falling apart around me. Good people, great people who seem to fall into the pit of despair and don't know how to get out. Finally they get a glimpse of strength and they use it to up and leave!
Then it seems like the very worst things that have been bottled up inside them come bursting out. They party hard and accuse and pass blame and turn there backs on there friends and claim them to be "judgmental"or "self righteous" because they don't wish to partake in the festivities. They leave the woman they once d loved and adored and bore children with in the middle of nowhere to fend for themselves. They take off and hide money and leave Mom's penniless with hungry kids. They hook up with any old bit of skirt or dead beat to somehow soothe there pain. They drag there eternal companions through the courts digging up all the dirt they can to make it clear none of it was there fault.
It's the worst kid of virus and it seems to be spreading fast.
My kids talk of visiting other Dad's and question why and if our family will have another Dad or Mom.
I almost forget that 16 years ago I went through this very thing and have empathy for so many, hurt by divorce.
My boys were only 2 & 3 years old when there Dad left but despite having 13 years with an awesome father in the home, they still deal with the pain, rejections, challenges and emotion of a divorce they had nothing to do with.
I am grateful now to be married to an amazing man who understands his role as my ETERNAL companion. He treats me like the queen I will become and will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING it takes to make our marriage and family a forever one. I feel the same way about him.
I pray everyday for my sweet neighbors and friends who's lives are being torn apart by Satan's power.

I KNOW the grass is not greener elsewhere. We need to weed, tend, fertilize and mow our own grass and if it still looks ugly, XERISCAPE.

Someone else's yard is not an option.

dementor's kiss

okay, marianne. what did i tell you? here i am feeling like the worst wife on the planet, the worst mom, the worst housekeeper, daughter, friend, cook,,yada, yada, yada. i know i should read my scriptures but i can't summon up enough wherewithal to open them. plus, i know if i read anything, i will immediately feel guilty about everything. sometimes, life just sucks and you just have to get through it. i have a sign on my kitchen counter that says, "hang in there! you're a trooper!" i am so sick of being a frickin' trooper! i am sick of hanging in there. of course, i can't actually say any of this to anyone--because i am a trooper! maybe if i just go eat some chocolate...