Friday, July 10, 2009

If you knew me before....

Coming to America at age 25 meant a new start for me. I could walk, yes I said walk, to the store and guarantee NEVER seeing a familiar face. It's very strange and quite a bit lonely.
It's been 13 years and that is no longer the case in fact it's hard to go anywhere without recognizing someone (even if your somewhere you shouldn't be :)
Recently the world of facebook has opened up to me and many of you too and we find ourselves reconnecting with people who meant allot to us in our past. People who knew us as fun loving kids, athletic and talented. People we studied with played pranks on and dreamed with. Of course they want to know what your up to and It got me thinking how different life can be.
If you knew me before, I was on every team I could fit in my schedule from cross country to netball, hockey, swimming, and of course track, my best. But I also did gymnastics and judo, played the flute, was a brownie and girl guide. I always had some sort of back yard club or shed party going on. I was pretty bright and went to a special school.
My college years were my favorite. I joined the church, I got married and pregnant too young :( I was a pretty decent hairstylist and loved to work at a fancy spa for no money, my dream to one day own a place like that. I worked at mcdonalds and had a blast there, I was a single parent at 21 and struggled to keep my water heater on. I slept many nights with 2 little boys under my arms from fear. I loved to dance, I still do and I laugh and joke about everything in public.

So for those who knew me then, how different life is now. For those who know me now, well I have a membership to a fancy club but I couldn't be further from that person.
I like my life, I like who I am and what I do daily. Not glamorous or dream worthy but my choice and my consequence.
So what about you? What would I have seen if I knew you before?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with the thoughts jumping in my head that I become quite quiet. I know, hard to believe, I usually have an opinion on most things.
Lately, since this blog world has opened up to me, I find myself thinking in paragraphs and appropriate pictures. "man I could totally write a blog about that"

It seems my view of life and the world has changed over the years and my thoughts can be very sarcastic, matter of fact, cynical even. I realize if I wrote what I actually thought I would offend just about everyone I know. So it saddens me when I read my blog title "telling it like it is" because I really don't do that anymore.
I mean I really used to!
In some ways that was positive. Friends asked me to go shopping because they knew I would tell the truth about how something looked. In some it was negative, peoples insecurities don't allow them to accept that someone else may have a different view that is uncomfortable for them.
So as I wisely aged, I became more diplomatic and said less about what I really thought, unfortunately going with the flow in allot of cases. Choosing to say nothing.

So here lies my dilemma. When asked the question " are you honest in all your dealings?" the thought of sneaking out of smiths with a melon on the bottom of my cart are not forefront in my mind but rather, Should I have said YES when asked if she looked fat!! Am I therefore being honest?
The fact is, I have very few friends with staying power and with them, Honesty is just a part of me they love, because despite it they know me, and know I would do anything for them, I have a heart wide open with compassion and never judge (unless it's about there hair and clothes , which lets face it, the world could use more honesty in) However, mostly I have associates who regularly call me with there needs and rarely have a clue I might be hurting for something myself. These same people are not ready to hear what deeply thought out, or quickly decided views I have. So I wonder, is it best to be true and keep my friends close? or live on tip toes, hoping for a large funeral and have a multitude of leeches in my life?

I know it's a no brain er.
So my next step would be to move where nobody knows me:) What I did that once already!