Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Those Scouts!
I know I complained about the whole Scout thing a few weeks ago, but I just had to add something. Last Friday, Vaughn and I took 5 boys from our ward (pretty much the whole Scout troop--no, it's not Utah) to the local soup kitchen to serve lunch to the homeless. I watched them all work cheerfully, greet people politely and serve them with more grace and kindness than I ever could have summoned up at their age. Then they all worked hard to clean up and scrub and wipe down everything. All without a single complaint! When I think of most of their peer group and what a different attitude they would have about giving up sleeping, or playing, or TEXTING for a few hours, I am very humbled by these boys. They truly are amazing and so much better than I was at their age! And to top it all off, they were all up at 6:30 the next morning to go back and do some yard work for the property there. I am sure Heavenly Father is pleased with them. I know I am. And overwhelmed at the thought that I have to be the grownup and teach them something. It seems like I always learn more from children than I ever teach them! These guys give me great hope for the future! I am sure you are surrounded by or are raising children just like these! Pats on the back to all moms out there!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thoughts on Aging
Dennis is out of town. And I get nervous at night. As I laid all alone in my bed at 1:00 this morning, scared of what I might see if I looked out the window, and scared of what might be standing behind me, and scared of what might happen if someone broke into my house, I was trying to think of happy thoughts so I wouldn't be scared and I could go to sleep.
My scared thoughts wandered to the death of Farrah Fawcett and (*gasp!!*) Michael Jackson and the lady in the book I had just been reading (stupid book). Somehow from there, I started thinking about getting old. And my kids growing up. And me and Dennis aging together. Because we are.
At this point, I realized that I was NOT thinking happy thoughts, but I also wasn't scared anymore. So I went back to my thoughts on aging.
I don't like getting older. Well, no, some things I do like. In fact, I like a lot of things. I like the intelligent and engaging conversations I can have with my children. They're so freaking AWESOME!! Yesterday I had a long conversation with Wade about the distance between Provo and Alaska and the distance between Provo and Venezuela. We also talked about why Halibut are such ugly fish. We contemplated what it might be like to drive to Venezuela. It is 3,482 miles from Provo to Caracas, Venezuela, in case you were wondering. That's a long drive. Longer than to Ketchikan, Alaska.
I also like the security that middle age seems to be bringing to me. I'm not so worried as I once was about what people think of me. I like my wage and my husband's salary. I like it that I wasn't scared to go back to school when I was 37 years old. I was just SO EXCITED. (I did NOT feel that way when I graduated at 23...) I like it that I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin (except for my weight, which I don't want to talk or think about).
I really like it that Dennis and I have been married for 20+ years. We've had four children together, and both survived incredible periods of morning (all day, all night, for 9 months) sickness. We've lost loved ones together. We've been through knee surgeries and stitches, hysterectomies and nervous breakdowns, broken bones and broken hearts. We've hiked mountains, gone camping, canoed and fished, fixed cars, boats, and bikes, we've planted gardens and trees and grape vines. We've built swing sets and sheds. We've installed toilets and dishwashers and ceiling fans (I'd like a couple more of those, if you're reading this, Dennis). We've moved from Utah to Illinois to Florida to Minnesota and back. Several times. We have a huge history together. I LOVE that.
And as hard as it is, I like watching my children grow up. I like watching them spread their wings, while my heart aches, as they learn and mature and get ready to go out into the world. I like to see how handsome/beautiful/smart/clever/capable they are as they grow. I like seeing the adults they are becoming.
I don't like the ways I feel myself wearing out. If I lay in bed and read too long (is four hours too long??) my back and shoulders really hurt. My knees hurt in the mornings. I have more gray hair than I want, but I have to stop pulling them out or I'll be bald. I don't want that, either. My teeth aren't as straight as they used to be, and some of them are starting to wear out. I can't do the splits anymore (who cares, except for me?), and like I mentioned earlier, I totally hate my weight. It's pretty frustrating, too, that the work that would have lost that weight in the past now doesn't get the job done! (I totally blame Krispy Kreme. This is all their fault).
I don't really like the heartache that comes when loved ones make bad choices. I don't like the helpless feeling you get when you have to watch them suffer the consequences of their decisions.
But what I came to realize during my mid-night reverie is that I am pretty happy with my life. Yeah, there are things about getting old that pretty much suck, and I bet they get worse as we get older. But there is certainly joy to be had in this journey of life, and although I often don't recognize it, last night while I was ignoring the scary things lurking in my dark bedroom, I remembered that life is beautiful. My life is beautiful. And even when it isn't, it's mine and Dennis's, and we love each other and we have children and parents and siblings and friends, and jobs and a home, and one car that works. And I was grateful.
And I drifted off to sleep feeling peaceful and calm and wondering how late I could sleep in the morning and still get to work on time.
My scared thoughts wandered to the death of Farrah Fawcett and (*gasp!!*) Michael Jackson and the lady in the book I had just been reading (stupid book). Somehow from there, I started thinking about getting old. And my kids growing up. And me and Dennis aging together. Because we are.
At this point, I realized that I was NOT thinking happy thoughts, but I also wasn't scared anymore. So I went back to my thoughts on aging.
I don't like getting older. Well, no, some things I do like. In fact, I like a lot of things. I like the intelligent and engaging conversations I can have with my children. They're so freaking AWESOME!! Yesterday I had a long conversation with Wade about the distance between Provo and Alaska and the distance between Provo and Venezuela. We also talked about why Halibut are such ugly fish. We contemplated what it might be like to drive to Venezuela. It is 3,482 miles from Provo to Caracas, Venezuela, in case you were wondering. That's a long drive. Longer than to Ketchikan, Alaska.
I also like the security that middle age seems to be bringing to me. I'm not so worried as I once was about what people think of me. I like my wage and my husband's salary. I like it that I wasn't scared to go back to school when I was 37 years old. I was just SO EXCITED. (I did NOT feel that way when I graduated at 23...) I like it that I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin (except for my weight, which I don't want to talk or think about).
I really like it that Dennis and I have been married for 20+ years. We've had four children together, and both survived incredible periods of morning (all day, all night, for 9 months) sickness. We've lost loved ones together. We've been through knee surgeries and stitches, hysterectomies and nervous breakdowns, broken bones and broken hearts. We've hiked mountains, gone camping, canoed and fished, fixed cars, boats, and bikes, we've planted gardens and trees and grape vines. We've built swing sets and sheds. We've installed toilets and dishwashers and ceiling fans (I'd like a couple more of those, if you're reading this, Dennis). We've moved from Utah to Illinois to Florida to Minnesota and back. Several times. We have a huge history together. I LOVE that.
And as hard as it is, I like watching my children grow up. I like watching them spread their wings, while my heart aches, as they learn and mature and get ready to go out into the world. I like to see how handsome/beautiful/smart/clever/capable they are as they grow. I like seeing the adults they are becoming.
I don't like the ways I feel myself wearing out. If I lay in bed and read too long (is four hours too long??) my back and shoulders really hurt. My knees hurt in the mornings. I have more gray hair than I want, but I have to stop pulling them out or I'll be bald. I don't want that, either. My teeth aren't as straight as they used to be, and some of them are starting to wear out. I can't do the splits anymore (who cares, except for me?), and like I mentioned earlier, I totally hate my weight. It's pretty frustrating, too, that the work that would have lost that weight in the past now doesn't get the job done! (I totally blame Krispy Kreme. This is all their fault).
I don't really like the heartache that comes when loved ones make bad choices. I don't like the helpless feeling you get when you have to watch them suffer the consequences of their decisions.
But what I came to realize during my mid-night reverie is that I am pretty happy with my life. Yeah, there are things about getting old that pretty much suck, and I bet they get worse as we get older. But there is certainly joy to be had in this journey of life, and although I often don't recognize it, last night while I was ignoring the scary things lurking in my dark bedroom, I remembered that life is beautiful. My life is beautiful. And even when it isn't, it's mine and Dennis's, and we love each other and we have children and parents and siblings and friends, and jobs and a home, and one car that works. And I was grateful.
And I drifted off to sleep feeling peaceful and calm and wondering how late I could sleep in the morning and still get to work on time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
It's not about Religion
I wonder if it's because I live in Utah, that every rule my teens choose to disagree with, is turned into some anti church thing.
Mum "No you can not go to that party with the stoner's and drunks!!"
Teen "you hate my friends, just because they are not Mormon "
Mum "actually because it is ILLEGAL"
The fact is, I have struggled with the "Utah Mormon" culture on both ends with young and older kids.
I hear of people who don't let there kids hang out with non-LDS kids but I have found that when you look a little deeper, a protective parent will often choose for there kids to stay around kids with similar behaviors and values where they personally know the parents and siblings, church is just an easy resource to get to know people.
I always let my kids choose there friends but even now am cautious when there excursions take them out of safety range. I have found on the other hand, people who have judged me for BEING a member of the church. Like I must be an uncool, judgmental, party pooper HELLO!!!! That is so my polar opposite.
The thing is we should know our neighbors, ALL of them. Where is a safe place to go if we are locked out, who could help look for our missing cat. Who to call when you see familiar clapped out jeep wrapped around a lamp post at 5am.
Now my boys are older they find all the moral and legal restrictions that are so burdensome, somehow related to religion but the fact is, I was raised in a very fun loving, non religious, home and there were still rules based on Law and principle.
If it's illegal you don't do it,
If it's immoral you don't do it
If it's unethical you don't do it.
So get off blaming all that is terrible in your life on Joseph Smith and know that as a Parent, I Love You, and will continue to give and enforce rules.
Anyone who gives a free ride on rules.... well luckily I'm only accountable for the way I raise my own kids.
Who knew this fine looking young man , who incidentally didn't crack from this expression the entire night, would be awarded Most outstanding web designer in the whole school!!
Mum "No you can not go to that party with the stoner's and drunks!!"
Teen "you hate my friends, just because they are not Mormon "
Mum "actually because it is ILLEGAL"
The fact is, I have struggled with the "Utah Mormon" culture on both ends with young and older kids.
I hear of people who don't let there kids hang out with non-LDS kids but I have found that when you look a little deeper, a protective parent will often choose for there kids to stay around kids with similar behaviors and values where they personally know the parents and siblings, church is just an easy resource to get to know people.
I always let my kids choose there friends but even now am cautious when there excursions take them out of safety range. I have found on the other hand, people who have judged me for BEING a member of the church. Like I must be an uncool, judgmental, party pooper HELLO!!!! That is so my polar opposite.
The thing is we should know our neighbors, ALL of them. Where is a safe place to go if we are locked out, who could help look for our missing cat. Who to call when you see familiar clapped out jeep wrapped around a lamp post at 5am.
Now my boys are older they find all the moral and legal restrictions that are so burdensome, somehow related to religion but the fact is, I was raised in a very fun loving, non religious, home and there were still rules based on Law and principle.
If it's illegal you don't do it,
If it's immoral you don't do it
If it's unethical you don't do it.
So get off blaming all that is terrible in your life on Joseph Smith and know that as a Parent, I Love You, and will continue to give and enforce rules.
Anyone who gives a free ride on rules.... well luckily I'm only accountable for the way I raise my own kids.
Who knew this fine looking young man , who incidentally didn't crack from this expression the entire night, would be awarded Most outstanding web designer in the whole school!!
post from natalie
This is not about Religion!!
I wonder if it's because I live in Utah, that every rule my teens choose to disagree with, is turned into some anti church thing.
Mum "No you can not go to that party with the stoner's and drunks!!"
Teen "you hate my friends, just because they are not Mormon "
Mum "actually because it is ILLEGAL"
The fact is, I have struggled with the "Utah Mormon" culture on both ends with young and older kids.
I hear of people who don't let there kids hang out with non-LDS kids but I have found that when you look a little deeper, a protective parent will often choose for there kids to stay around kids with similar behaviors and values where they personally know the parents and siblings, church is just an easy resource to get to know people.
I always let my kids choose there friends but even now am cautious when there excursions take them out of safety range. I have found on the other hand, people who have judged me for BEING a member of the church. Like I must be an uncool, judgmental, party pooper HELLO!!!! That is so my polar opposite.
The thing is we should know our neighbors, ALL of them. Where is a safe place to go if we are locked out, who could help look for our missing cat. Who to call when you see familiar clapped out jeep wrapped around a lamp post at 5am.
Now my boys are older they find all the moral and legal restrictions that are so burdensome, somehow related to religion but the fact is, I was raised in a very fun loving, non religious, home and there were still rules based on Law and principle.
If it's illegal you don't do it,
If it's immoral you don't do it
If it's unethical you don't do it.
So get off blaming all that is terrible in your life on Joseph Smith and know that as a Parent, I Love You, and will continue to give and enforce rules.
Anyone who gives a free ride on rules.... well luckily I'm only accountable for the way I raise my own kids.
I wonder if it's because I live in Utah, that every rule my teens choose to disagree with, is turned into some anti church thing.
Mum "No you can not go to that party with the stoner's and drunks!!"
Teen "you hate my friends, just because they are not Mormon "
Mum "actually because it is ILLEGAL"
The fact is, I have struggled with the "Utah Mormon" culture on both ends with young and older kids.
I hear of people who don't let there kids hang out with non-LDS kids but I have found that when you look a little deeper, a protective parent will often choose for there kids to stay around kids with similar behaviors and values where they personally know the parents and siblings, church is just an easy resource to get to know people.
I always let my kids choose there friends but even now am cautious when there excursions take them out of safety range. I have found on the other hand, people who have judged me for BEING a member of the church. Like I must be an uncool, judgmental, party pooper HELLO!!!! That is so my polar opposite.
The thing is we should know our neighbors, ALL of them. Where is a safe place to go if we are locked out, who could help look for our missing cat. Who to call when you see familiar clapped out jeep wrapped around a lamp post at 5am.
Now my boys are older they find all the moral and legal restrictions that are so burdensome, somehow related to religion but the fact is, I was raised in a very fun loving, non religious, home and there were still rules based on Law and principle.
If it's illegal you don't do it,
If it's immoral you don't do it
If it's unethical you don't do it.
So get off blaming all that is terrible in your life on Joseph Smith and know that as a Parent, I Love You, and will continue to give and enforce rules.
Anyone who gives a free ride on rules.... well luckily I'm only accountable for the way I raise my own kids.
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